Out of the Cold, into the Meat Grinder
by Hobbit
Summary: When May and Misty meet and realize that they are both competing for the same man, there's only one way to solve things. Constantly one-up each other in putting the other down. MistyMay rivalry parody (I've not decided who will get him yet)


since...some of you seemed to like my other Misty/May rivalry parody that I made, I thought I'd introduce you to my...

drumroll, please

Chaptered Misty/May rivalry parody (or CMMRP :D)

Anyway, the entire first chapter is entirely journaly entries.

enjoy!

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He's done it this time. He's REALLY done it this time. This makes me so mad! If he thinks that he can get away with this, he's got another thing coming!

Diary, This is, by far, the worst that he's ever done. He's been seeing another woman behind my back! No, no. She's not even a woman. She's a girl. A little girl.

All he has to do is see that she's got Pokemon and suddenly he's Mr. Dumbness-to-be-led-wherever-she-leads. Okay, so it's even more than usual. Dumb little coordinator freak! I oughta pull her hair out and

Sorry about that, diary, that pen broke for some reason.

Now, where was I?

Oh yeah. Ash. He's done it this time. He's REALLY done it.

Wait, haven't I wirtten this already? Yeah, I have. Okay, I'll skip ahead, then. I leave him for a year, and suddenly he's travelling with some...Gonbe? I mean, seriously. A Gonbe, that's what she is. Cute, but looks like she got all her clothes out of a trash can somewhere.

And she's got no personality whatsoever. Just the dumb little, "I'm a happy person! Look at me! I'm so happy! I'm so nice! I'm completely naive and have no idea what's in store for me because I stole a GYM LEADER'S BOYFRIEND!"

nuts. This is in pen.

I better not catch Ash reading this. Or Brock for that matter.

Anyway, I guess I should tell you what happened. Ash came back from Hoenn, right? He came back to Kanto, and was coming to the Enchantment Under the Sea dance, to which I invited him, and he brings along that...Muk!

I mean, I asked him to come to the dance, right? so he has no business showing up with a girl!

Gotta go. Lily's pounding on the door, soemthing about having to use the mirror, because this is the best full-length one in the gym right here in the bathroom. Whoever planned this place wasn't very smart, I can tell ya that. I'll be back later, Diary.

Misty Waterflower

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Dex, I can't believe I haven't come to more of Misty's parties. food's great. so's the dancing. Gotta go. May wants me to slow dance with her. Maybe moving slowly will keep me from throwing up. I ate too much.

Ash

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Sweeeeet...plenty of girls around here. The Brockster's checked in, and he's not checkin' out 'til he finds a girl...

shouldn't take me more than five minutes.

Brock Slate

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Dear Diary,

I've just had the most wonderful time. Ash slow-danced with me. I could really feel him holding me tight. It was so romantic. I mean, he wouldn't have gone out onto the floor if he didn't like me, right?

He's a great guy. A little slow, but still really nice. He's like nobody else I've ever met. I'm going to tell him that I like him tonight.

He's just so sweet, caring, kind, compassionate, and a great Pokemon trainer. I just can't imagine a better guy. Brock's struck out nine times already since he set out, and it's only been five minutes. Poor guy.

Maybe I should find somebody to hook him up with. Maybe that redhead that was looking at me while I was dancing with Ash.

Hm...

Gotta go, Diary. Matchmaker May's got a job to do.

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Friggin' little Gonbe. She's had her paws all over Ash. If I thought it was bad when she came in practically relying on Ash to support her entire body weight, it was nothing compared to seeing her slow-dancing with my man!

As soon as I find my mallet, I'm gonna kick her sorry behind from here to the Orange Islands. Then we'll see how cute she is.

Lessee...I left it in the bathroom after smashing everything after I saw Ash dancing with May.

Wait. I've got a better idea. They just said a fast song would be on soon. Ya know, the Pokerap? I'll show up that stupid little Gonbe, and beat her at her own game. I've gotta get changed, though. Let's see how Ash likes me once I'm in my dress.

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Dex, the food's great. Just the way I like it. They've got the Four "K"s, and a lot more besides. Pikachu's taking care of the punch, I've got the cake, and Brock's chowing down on the chips.

What a great party.

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Okay, it's official. I'm a dud. I've asked every girl here (except for Misty and May, of course) out, and they've all turned me down. At least the chips are still good. I guess when all the chips are down, all I can do is eat 'em.

I'd drink the punch, but Pikachu just passed out in it.

Brock

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Okay, the party's going down the drain pretty fast. Pikachu mistook the red food coloring in the punch for Ketchup, and almost drowned himself, Brock threw up from eating too many chips in the band's drum, and Ash looks like he'll be blowing chunks any second.

What happened to the party that we came to, where everything was nice, and no one could complain about anything, and everyone was having a good time.

At least they got a replacement drum. Otherwise this party would be over, really.

Oh, hey! here comes the redhead I'm gonna pair up with Ash, and man, hasshe changed from her dungarees. She's wearing a knee-length silver dress, her hair's over her shoulders, and her jewlery-

Man, it must be nice having a Gym Leader's budget. I mean, I can't imagine having stuff like that. That's WAY beyond my price range. Once I'm a Coordinator, though...

THEN I'll be able to afford something respectable to-what the

She's talking to ASH? Okay, something's up. The Pokerap's starting up, and-no.

No. way.

She's dancing with him?

And he looks like he's enjoying it!

Excuse me, Diary, I have a little something to take care of.

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Let me just say this once. It wasn't my fault. Okay, so the drum was my fault, but me getting a date with the guitarist that was too. But everything else wasn't.

One minute everything was fine, and the next-bam, a cat-fight breaks out between Misty and May. I was gonna introduce them after I finished nailing down details of the date with Angela, but I took it upon myself to separate 'em.

Took five men to hold Misty back. They were both screaming at each other, vowing revenge. Man, if they could only see what they looked like-

I know that Misty spent her life savings on that dress, and now it's ruined. I might be able to fix it, but I doubt it. It looks like a bunch of Persian were let loose onto it.

May wasn't much better. Misty somehow managed to rip her lucky bandana in two, and do a lot of damage to her dress, too. She's hurt pretty bad too. A couple black eyes, her nose looks broken, and she limps when she walks.

Misty's used to scrapping, and came out relatively unhurt except for a couple of shots that May got off to her stomach before Misty got going.

People are clearing out, and I've called the EMTs, just to make sure that nobody got seriously injured.

I can't believe that this happened. I'm gonna have to have a talk with both of 'em.

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Aw, man! This sucks! When Misty and May were fighting, they somehow managed to dump all the rest of the food onto the floor!

I'm still hungry, Dex! I'm still hungry! What am I gonna eat? Wait, are you edible?

OW! okay, you're not. So what am I supposed to eat-GANGWAY!

Gotta get back to you, Dex. I've gotta hurl.

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well, let me know what you think...

although if you're just going to drop a flame in the review section because Ash isn't going for one or the other of the two girls; please, don't bother.

but, otherwise, I value your input!


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